And I Don't Believe in Magic Anymore
by Addie Logan
Summary: Scott explains to Jean why it has to end. (Companion piece to "Everything Said with Goodbye")


And I Don't Believe in Magic Anymore...

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men. I don't own the song I used. I'm not even pretending to own them (this time). Don't sue me. I'll have to take out more loans…

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Scott explains to Jean why he has to leave her... (Companion piece to "Everything Said with Goodbye") 

Author's Note: Okay, two things. Number one, I know Jean and Scott, as of the time I'm writing this, have not broken up, so don't even think about being a moron and writing to me about how they're still together. I know that. This is a "what-if" sort of thing. Secondly, The song I use is by the Smiths, and is entitled "Jeane." I, however, have changed it to "Jean" within the story for obvious reasons.

Feedback and Archiving: Both would be nice. E-mail me at [addie_logan@yahoo.com][1] or message me through AIM at ChereRogueMarie.

Shameless Webpage Plug: I've written better stuff, I swear! Read it at [http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan][2]

And I Don't Believe in Magic Anymore…

By: Addie Logan

**_ _**

**_Jean,   
The low-life has lost its appeal   
And I'm tired of walking these streets   
To a room with a cupboard bare_**

If there was one thing I was always sure of, it was the love we shared. You were my life, my world, my soul. I never doubted for a second that that would waiver. Even with Logan threatening to come between us, I knew I was safe. We were one, and that was the way it would always be. You were the one constant in my ever-changing life.

Nothing's constant anymore.

En Sabah Nur stripped away everything I ever believe in, everything that I thought was real. Showed me my whole life was nothing but an illusion—that the belief in undying love that I clung to for so long was just smoke and mirrors.

So where does that leave us, Jean?

**_Jean,   
I'm not sure what happiness means   
But I look in your eyes   
And I know   
That it isn't there_**

I can't be the man you used to know. He isn't here anymore. I don't even know what it means to be him anymore. I wish I could give you what you need, but I can't. Everything I could give you now would be a lie, and I do still care too much to do that to you.

I tried to make it work. I wanted to make it work. I tried to fix it, to make it the same as it used to be.

It can never be the same.

**_We tried, we failed   
We tried, and we failed   
We tried and we failed   
We tried and we failed   
We tried _**

I have to leave. I'm not the person you married. I'm not even the man that dedicated his life to the X-Men anymore. I'm someone else, and I have to find out who that is.

I have to find it out alone.

We can't keep pretending that we're what we always were. I know that's what you want, what you say you need, but I can't keep this up anymore. It's too hard, Jean. Our love died with the rest of me. I can't live in the fantasy world where it didn't.

I have to live in reality, even if it isn't as pretty as the fairy-tale.

**_Jean   
There's ice on the sink where we bathe   
So how can you call this a home   
When you know it's a grave ?_**

I'm leaving in the morning. I have to get out. It's smothering me here. I hate the pain in your eyes, but there's no use pretending. I know it hurts you to live with me now that I'm so cold.

You won't have to anymore.

Even though you're crying, I know inside you know it's right. You never liked pretending either. With everything that went on around us, you always had to cling to what was real. You clung to our love.

Maybe that wasn't real after all…

**_But you still hold a greedy grace   
As you tidy the place   
But it'll never be clean   
Jean_**

You wanted to fix things, make them the way they used to be. From the moment I got back you wanted me to fill the hole inside you that I always had before. I just can't do that any longer.

How can I when I'm empty myself?

You've always wanted to heal, wanted to make all the pain in the world go away. Sometimes, I think maybe you should've been a doctor, that you'd be happy healing the sick.

I can't be healed. 

I'm too far gone this time.

**_Oh ...   
Cash on the nail   
It's just a fairytale   
Oh ...   
And I don't believe in magic anymore   
Jean_**

You used to tell me that everyone had one person they were meant to be with, and that for you, it was me. I believed you. Even with everything I saw and did in my life, I believed in the old-fashioned magic of eternal romance.

I don't believe anymore.

I've seen the darkest that life can be. So dark that I didn't think it was life anymore. How can I can I go back to believing in the light?

**_But I think you know   
I really think you know   
Oh ...   
I think you know the truth   
Jean _**

**_Oh ..._**

I know you don't want to let go. You're still clinging to what used to be, who I used to be. But I can see in your eyes that you know it's over. There's fear in your eyes, fear that the one thing that could never happen has happened.

You know it's over.

You know _we're_ over.

The coldness of that fact scares a part of me, too—the part that can still feel. But it isn't enough to overpower the truth. I have to get out. I can't be your rock anymore. I can't be your support.

I can't be the one thing that can fill you up.

**_No heavenly choir   
Not for me and not for you   
Because I think that you know   
I really think you know   
I think you know the truth   
Oh ...   
Jean_**

There's nothing left between us but good-bye. I can remember the love we used to have, but it isn't real to me anymore. It's like the memory of a dream.

I look at our marriage and see a sham. It isn't what I thought it was. I can't get it back to where it used to be. It's just…over…

**_That we tried, and we failed   
That we tried, and we failed   
We tried and we failed   
We tried and we failed   
Oh ...   
Oh ...  
Jean_**

I'm so sorry, Jean…

   [1]: mailto:addie_logan@yahoo.com
   [2]: http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan



End file.
